Wednesday, January 14, 2015

What 6 Years of Infertility Looks Like

This is what 6 years of infertility looks like:
- no more pregnancy tests around the house
- no charts or calendars tracking my cycle. In fact, I don't even mentally keep track of when my last cycle was, anymore. It just comes and goes, always. Ever reliable.
- no apps on my phone for tracking ovulation
- no more crying myself to sleep at night, or any crying at all. (Except during sad parts of movies, I'm such a sap.)
- no closet full of the most adorable baby stuff I just couldn't resist buying for "when it does happen."
- no trips to the RE
- no longer trying to conceive
- no talks about baby names with a significant other
- no talks with my best friends about raising babies together/ at the same time.
- no scheduled, monotonous or boring sex
- no more feelings of inadequacy with myself or with my contribution to relationships
- genuine happiness for others when they have good baby news
- a community of IF ladies, strong and kind, around me
- an amazing group of girlfriends who have children, who allow me to continue being a part of their lives, even in those tricky moments of being fertile with an infertile friend.
- a happy and healthy relationship
- long term goals that relate to having a successful business and a good personal life, instead of those related to marriage and having a family

To most people, 6 years of infertility looks like I've given up. On the contrary; I have more hope, happiness and love in my life than I ever did before. And those dreams of having a family and having a baby are still there.. They are just in the back of my mind, as a possibility, not a requirement I'm placing on myself. Those dreams are dreams of a possible future, way off in the distance. One I'm not worried or anxious about not fulfilling.

It might look like giving up to others... but it feels like contentment to me. What does infertility look like to you?



  1. I'm glad you've found space for happiness and contentment…whatever that looks like for you. So important my beautiful friend.

    1. Thank you, Jessah! I'm glad you've found yours too and your little buddle of joy! So excited for you!

  2. You are such a strong lady! I'm proud of you!
    You rock the red lipstivk by the way!

    1. Thank you, Steph <3
      And thank you! I totally try with the red lip haha. It took me a couple of tries to really be able to wear it :P

  3. this is beautiful! I am 15 years of living w/IF & so much of what you said still rings true.
    I found your blog on the GB blog hop but adding you to my bloglovin' list for so much more!!

    1. Thank you so much, Kim <3 I'm so happy you happened to come across my blog and are sticking around for more. Sending happy thoughts your way!!

  4. What a beautiful post, filled with peace, contentment and, yes, hope. :)

  5. All of those things, and more. Strength, courage, acceptance, creativity and a new (incredibly unique) perspective - these are just a couple of extras I hadn't planned for and am surprised by, after a similar period of IF.

    Lovely post :)

    PS - found this by accident, browsing for PL stuff!


Hello gorgeous, I love reading your comments!