Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Is Divorce Ever the Right Answer
It's true what they say, that you lose a lot friends when you get divorced. Some of your friends will choose sides, others just aren't there for the tough stuff. Something else is true, too, though. The friendships you're left with are stronger, deeper and of higher value to you. And one day, you'll probably find yourself on the other end of the conversation with one of your girlfriends that sounds like this "I just don't know what to do, I don't know if I can (or want to) save my marriage."
Since you've been through a divorce, your closest friends will probably come to you when they find themselves doubting their marriages. And what is there to tell them? Divorce is hard. It's messy and stressful and heartbreaking. But for some of us... it's also a relief.
I truly believe in marriage and everything it stands for. I hope to marry again someday. Though I'll do it much differently, if I do it again, (more on that, later.) And so when somebody I love comes to me thinking about ending their marriage, I'll be the first to say- "That sucks. It sucks that you're in a position where you're thinking about divorce. Divorce sucks."
Because the truth of the matter is, divorce is a very personal thing. Every marriage is different. I'm very cautious about advocating for divorce. In my situation, it was 100% the right answer. But if two loving partners can save a marriage, I would always, always advocate for that first. And in the end, divorce is something only you and your partner can decide.
The best thing I can ever do for a loved one who comes to me questioning their marriage or divorce is to simply love them and support them. No matter what. There is a place and a time for your own opinion, but in the end, choosing to stand behind your friend in their moment of need is the best thing you can do for them and for their marriage. And so those conversations usually end up going like this, "I understand. I'm sorry you're going through this and I support your decision 100%, either way. I love you."
And then I do. I support their decision to get divorced if that's what they choose. Or, I support their decision to stay in their marriage. No questions asked. I will not judge their decision or ask them to validate it. I will simply be there, loving them. Because when I was getting divorced, that's all I wanted from my closest friends.