Sunday, March 1, 2015

Negative Pregnancy Tests

The complete and utter defeat of a negative pregnancy test. All of my IF girls can vouch- it's one of the most emotional things we can put ourselves through; month after month, seeing physical proof of our failed efforts to conceive. "Do not pass go, do not collect $200." I'm even worse at getting pregnant than I am at Monopoly (and I haven't won a game of Monopoly since I was 12 and the other 3 players gave up after an excruciating 12 hours of playing.)

Here's the thing about those negative pregnancy tests though... They don't have to result in a negative outlook. My first 3 years of infertility were so hard on me, to say I was an emotional train wreck would have been an understatement. Month after month, year after year, "You failed to get pregnant... AGAIN," the tests would mock. Do you know why they did that?

Because I let them.

 
In the last three years, I've learned a lot. I've overcome a lot. Mainly, the inability to be happy with infertility. I overcame that.

I realized that while I may not be able to make those pregnancy tests positive, there were mountains of other things in my life I could make positive. I could make my outlook and mindset positive. I could make my feeling of self-worth and esteem positive. I could make myself a positive person. I could make sure that all of the relationships I kept in my life were positive. And most of all, I learned that my life was going to be exactly what I would make of it. Infertility or not, it was my choice to have a positive or negative life. To feel joy or sadness.

It's not easy to choose positivity and joy when life (or in my case, infertility) constantly lets you down. But it is your choice to make.

So I encourage all of my IF ladies who are struggling with those negative feelings and experiences each and every month to give this a try and just see how it goes. Take a step back. Throw away the tests. Throw away the expectations you keep putting on yourself to get pregnant. Throw away those feelings of self-pity and failure. Throw the negative away!


This isn't to say I won't ever pick up another pregnancy test in my life, I am most certain that I will again one day if I decide to try to have a baby again down the road. But for now, I'm not putting that pressure on myself. If I'm a couple of weeks late (which never happens,) I can go buy a test. I don't need to keep them stockpiled in my bathroom cabinet. I don't have to deal with the anxiety that comes with taking it every month. I don't have to deal with that excruciating two minute wait afterwards. And I don't have to deal with those negative feelings that result from continually negative tests. Instead, I can walk away from the tests and the stress and the expectations and the failures. I can cultivate positivity and joy in both my life and the lives of those around me.

So that's what I did. I threw away my tests. Not only am I happier for it now, but I know that because of this break I've taken with pregnancy tests, the next time I do take a test, I will be excited to do it, not fearful.

Do you put monthly expectations on yourself? Have you ever considered taking a break from those expectations?

xoxo,
Laura

8 comments:

  1. This is such a lovely message that applies to many aspects of our lives. The moment when I realized that I make the choice to be positive was so enlightening. It's my life - a beautiful life that God has given me - and I need to do all I can to cultivate a positive attitude and outlook. Thanks for sharing this. I needed a good reminder. :)

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    1. Absolutely. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your story on how you made the choice to be positive, too!

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  2. preach it sister! SO many of those words were my theme song! in fact, it was the time going through IF That I cleansed my life of negative people & negative attitudes :)

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    1. Yes! I wrote in another post that getting rid of negative people and people who bring you negative feelings (teen moms, inadequate parents, people who aren't positive or encouraging) is one of the best things you can do to change your own atmosphere + attitude!

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  3. Thank you for putting it all into perspective. I have had two failed IUIs and countless negative pregnancy tests. Your words were incredibly inspiring and I am grateful for having come across your blog. I pray that you will have everything in life that will make you happy. Sincerely, Ivy.

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    1. Thank you so much, Ivy. Sending so many positive thoughts your way and praying the same for you. xoxo

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  4. I LOVE and adore and agree with this post on so many levels. <3 I think I'll share this with friends in the future when they comment on how positive I am despite everything - I think you put into words a perspective that I've had a really hard time describing myself. Thank you!

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    1. Absolutely, and thank you so much for reading, Kari! It's such an amazing community we have, IF girls! So many positive and encouraging people helping to lift up others who haven't yet found that in their circumstances. We have control over who we are and what message we give to others though and I think you chose great when you chose to be positive! Thanks for reading + sharing your experience!

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Hello gorgeous, I love reading your comments!